Friday, August 25, 2006
We got new victim(s) !
at
5:54 AM
Saturday, August 19, 2006
We got new victim(s) !
at
2:36 AM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Hi... why I never say lo? Because no mood. Why? Cause no business. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ! Six days gone and still no business. Think maybe have to go back to my kampung to sell. In the past one day I can sell all, but today not bad, at least got 3 -.- Wait, I drink finish my milo first then continue talk.
Victim 6. Loading -- Unknown scout
Ok today as usual, went to Unity Secondary to deliver my kiam chye again. Nothing special, same old boring thing. And that Chinese food uncle's mouth still smells as bad as usual. I remember telling him to brush his teeth in the morning, but it was like donkey years ago. So don't find it strange if you see a guy wearing a face mask early in the morning in Unity, thats not a terrorist, thats me =) So I will always try my best to avoid his poisonous gas. Sometimes I wish to just stick one kiam chye into his mouth, but cannot. Stick into his mouth then how I sell? Save it for myself? -.- You all think what, wash wash then can eat ? Recycle? -.- The 3Rs Reuse, Reduce and Recycle? -.-
Ya so after fighting(his gas) for around 20 minutes, when I was about to leave, i saw a boy standing between two long long things. Oh thats the Singapore and school flags. Haha long time never go to school, almost forgot what those two long long things are. He then said "Unitians please stand up for the morning assembly." Shit ! Forgot how to sing the nation anthem ! Think of ways to run, turned left saw Mr Scotland, turned right saw Ms Cha Siew Piang, turned back was that uncle's bad breath. What the hell. Guess who's in front of me? Spooky Ng -.- Yea that look, really freaked me out. @_@ (crying) They forced me to sing, so I asked them whether I can sing the kiam chye song. They asked me what is kiam chye song.
Here it is ! The Kiam Chye Song !
I sell kiam chye, kiam chye kiam chye fresh fresh, everybody please come
come come and see, if you don't want to buy them never mind
if you don't buy, then you watch out
don't always go buy those ba gua
and don't always go buy those prawn
my kiam chye are all nice to eat
although they, are abit salty
but they are, very nice to eat
dont' always go buy those ba gua
and don't always go buy those prawns,
my kiam chye are all nice to eat
although they, are abit salty
but they are, very... nice... to EAT...
*clap clap*
All: IMPRESSIVE ! What about the pledge?
Erm, ya I got the Kiam Chye Pledge too, but before I wanted to say it, that unknown boy (he said he is from scouts) ya so that unknown scout said the national pledge before me. What the hell ! Kids nowadays are really rude. Can't they show some respect? Especially to me. Who I am? Uncle Kiam Chye of course ! You all can go ask around, all people know me.
*Suddenly that Mr Scotland took out a microphone and started walking around looking for peope, but don't why all ran away. -.- Think they thought he going to catch them for their atttire or hair again.*
*Then it was Ms Cha Siew Piang's turn. When she took the microphone and started asking people whether they know me, they instead asked her, "Who are you? The new toilet cleaner of Unity?" -.- Guess her auntie look don't really make her look like a principal.*
*Up next was Chinese food uncle. He don't need to move, as when he was about to do that everybody started to pack their bags and go home, including the teachers. Wow his breath is really damn powerful. Me fainting soon.*
*Finally was the Spookly Ng's turn ! But why am I so happy? Maybe I'm crazy. But one strange thing was she was not holding a microphone. Instead she was holding a huge stack of papers. One dropped onto the floor and I read the title. It says "Criticism Wet Market Maths Paper 1 and 2." No wonder... haha so again, I saw people running like mad to the safest place to avoid her eye contact. Remember this, always avoid eye contact with people. Why? Because if you don't, something magical will happen. Trust me, thats true. =) *
Get back to that scout. This was how he said the pledge.
We the citizens ofsingapore.
Pledgeourselvesasone unitedpeople
regardless of race, language or religion
Tobuildademocraticsociety
Base of justice andequality
Soastoachieve happinessprosperity andprogressforournation
What the hell was that? Machine gun reading style? Was there a need to take such a big breath to read those few words? Even me can do better than him. Watch
I, the seller of kiam chye
Treat my customers, as one untied people
Regardless of salt content, method, or hygiene
To produce the best kiam chye in the world
Price thats low and cheapest among all
So as to achieve happiness, prosperity, and progress for my business.
See ! Better right? heheh
Phew finally over, but just then a man in black walked towards me. Ohh Mr. D.J
Me: Hi D.J, what song you going to play next?
D.J: -.-?!
Me: Oops =x Nothing. hehe
D.J Ok well, can you please do me a favor?
Me: *Thinking inside -- You think you ask me to do a favor I will do is it? Of course not ! Me so busy, think I very free? Unless you pay me*
D.J: So is it possible?
Me: NO ! Ohh I mean YES ! Sure. ( @_@ ) crying
D.J: Help me take this document to Mr Arul. His is now in 4/5.
Me: *Thinking -- 4/5 again? Well ok*
Me: Ok no problem ! (actually got alot of problem)
D.J: Thanks.
Me: -.-
Victim 7. Loading -- Mr Argu ShinChan
Walk walk walk to 4/5, saw some pupils standing up. I wondered whats going on.
Mr Argu: You 4/5 pupils ! Yesterday I asked you all to join the Group 2 for AEP, and yet NONE of you turn up. I'm really very disappointed. What is wrong with you people. You all are now only taking one science subject, if you all don't want to help yourself, there is nothing I can do ! (He then started to ask some of them the reason for not coming)
Chey ! Not their AEP their go for what. Right? Plus he thinks his lessons very interesting? Look at his face I already know his lessons are damn boring. I can understand how those pupils feel. And he said he is disappointed, nobody asks him to feel disappointed what. If he wants to feel that way then go ahead, what for telling everyone his feelings. Plus he said what is wrong with those pupils? I think he is the one who's got something wrong. I heard from one pupils from 4/5 taking Biology that he wants everyone to finish the workbook, the 2 specimen papers, and study for the test next week. He thinks he can muti-task that means everyone can? The questions are so damn difficult. This is what that pupil told me. His name is Pasta Goal Jun Wei. I don't know, maybe he is just lazy to do. =x And guess what I saw, That Argu ShinChan took Pasta's scissors and spin and spin and spin. Impressive? I don't think so. Dangerous? Obviously ! What if it flies out and hit somebody? He is an adult ok, doesn't he knows that it is very dangerous to do such thing? Childish ! Immature ! You blacky ! Lame joker ! You suck ! hehe.
Decided not to give the document to him due to his sucking attitude and teaching style. On my way back to my van, I saw Mr. Oh Bee Hoon.
Victim 8. Loading -- Mr Oh Bee Hoon
He said he wanted to buy some kiam chye for his family. So in total it costs 2 bucks. (my son told me buck is more class than dollars ^^) As I was in a rush, I never counted the money and I just driven off. Guess what, he only gave me $1.99 -.- You scammer ! THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAIRLESS GUY !
*Last time when I sold other things instead of kiam chye
1. Burger
Price: $1.50
Paid: $1.49
2. Nasi Lemak
Price: $1.30
Paid: $1.29
3. Curry Puff
Price: $0.40
Paid: $0.39
4. Wanton Noodle
Price: $1.40
Paid: $1.39
5. Fish and Chip
Price: $2.20
Paid: $2.19
6. Fried Been Hoon
Price: $0.70
Paid: $0.69
7. Economic Rice
Price: $1.60
Paid: $1.59
8. Drinks
Price: $0.50
Paid: $0.49
Latest !!
9. Kiam Chye
Price: $2.00
Paid $1.99
Ahhhhh !! the long list of debt !! When is he going to pay ?!?!?!!! Arghh need to record in my account book again. Waste my ink ! That idiot scammer ! Why always 1 cent short ?!?!?!!! He stingy HAIRLESS guy ! 1 cent also wants to save ! 1 cent also don't want to give me ! WHAT THE HELLLL !!! Somemore he always fail my son's Social Studies tests by 1 mark ! That IDIOT ! My son and I will choke and flood him to death with 1 cent coins !!! THAT SON OF A MONK !!!
{fainted} --- Hospitalise ---
~~~ ee yoor... ee yoor... ee yoor ~~~
We got new victim(s) !
at
9:32 AM
Monday, August 14, 2006
We got new victim(s) !
at
5:56 AM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Why no people come my stall to buy kiam chye !!! Today is already the 2nd day, why still no people come buy my kiam chye !!! All went to buy prawns from Uncle Salad. What the hell. Anyway Uncle Ba Gua also same as me. No business at all. We are going crazy soon !!! But for me is not totally no business. I got one customer today, but was not a humun.
*crowd: -.- ! now is the 7th month, don't tell me is... ahhhhh*
NO LA ! Worst than that !
*crowd: -.- ! wOrSt ThAn ThAt ?!?! ahhhhh*
WAIT ! Allow me to finish my sentence, but you all must remain calm.
*crowd: pray.. pray.. pray..*
It was a MOSQUITO !
*crowd: !*
Then don't know why suddenly all rushed to the knife shop. I'm so happy for the shop owner. I still called him to congratulate him, but he said he was busy, so we didn't talk much. After that the uncles and aunties all walked towards my direction. That time I was so happy, thought finally can get to sell some of my kiam chye.
BUT ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*my clothes torn, glasses cracked, vomit blood, underwear flew out.*
Guess you all should know what happened
Somemore my underwear so smelly (very long never wash cause no time) then it landed on a businessman's head and he said he wants to sue me. Fine then. Think I need to earn more money by selling more kiam chye.
So back to the mosquito issue. Wait, I think I better take back my underwear first.
*wearing.. got lots of holes and my leg went into the wrong hole -.-*
Ok, this morning when I was setting up the stall, I kept hearing the "eee" sound. I knew that was a mosquito. So without thinking, I took some kiam chye and started throwing them at the mosquito. But all miss. -.- Somemore got two policemen walked pass and my kiam chye landed on their head. -.- They said they wanted to bring to back to CCK Police Post, but I told them I got business to do, so they said they will come tomorrow to bring me back. You think I so stupid to wait for them is it ! My god, think I have to go pack my stuffs now, and take my passport. Erm, should I go Hong Kong, US, England, China Aiya ! No time to think. Better ask my son to book a ticket for me now.
*Boy ahh, book a air ticket for me now Now NOW !*
*boy: ok ! need whiskey?*
This question like very familiar. Never mind.
*son: hello ? Is this Kiam Chye Airline? Ya I want to book a ticket... ya ya lousy plane also never mind. He die I can take all his money. None of my Business also. yaya ok bye !*
!!! What the hell. Not only mosquito bully me, now my son also bully me. I've got no money. If he wants I can give all those kiam chye to him.
YA ! THAT MOSQUITO ! WHY BIT MY THUMB !
Victim 3. Loading -- Unknown Mosquito
That idiot mosquito. Told me she wanted to buy kiam chye for her kids. In the end bit my thumb. So painful you know. Now swollen. Think have to paste handsaplast, those salted water resistant kind. So many parts she can suck. My face, my ears, my nose, my arm, my chest, my forehead, my stomach, my legs but why my THUMB ! She not afraid that I will crash her to death? Maybe she knew I very kind-hearted, won't do this kind of thing. So... AHH ! Pain ~~
I should now go pack my stuffs. So damn sad. Both my son and that unknown mosquito gang up and bully me. waaa ~~ Live until this age still get bully, really useless.
*Erm.. flipping my passport.. WHAT ! EXPIRED ?!*
-.- sob sob...
*crowd: look on the brigher side, cause tomorrow at the police station the table lamp confirm very bright one.*
We got new victim(s) !
at
6:33 AM
Friday, August 11, 2006
We got new victim(s) !
at
5:55 AM
Yo all u peeps out there! First post from Uncle Sia eh? Yea wadever cut the crap. Anyways, these few days were total crap. First theres shorty gaofu then theres the fish seller then theres youtube website and bla bla bla last but not least, BAGUA HIMSELF.
Victim 12:
Victim 12:
i'll start wif him first... He took more than 3 hours to finish his amaths paper on friday while Kiam Chye and me were sitting beside him waiting for him to finish as we were helping him.(oh ya even after that,............ he didn't finish the paper >.<), Kiam Chye was found in a pool of my blood 10 mins after he handed up the paper.
Victim13:
Next, the fish seller(abit siao rite? FISH SELLER ?!?!?!) lols. ya anyway i was buying fish this morning at the market. ok i chose a gd fish for lunch le, put it in the pan to buy, and the seller BEHEADED the fish.. wtf? I WAN A WHOLE FISH TO FRY FOR GOODNESS SAKE!! jeez this sucks
Victim 14
ok then theres gaofu. burst in adreneline + hyperactive body = gaofu. KEEP ANYTHING U TREASURE OUT OF HIS SIGHT. his character and behaviour is atrocious and truely lower standard compared to that of shit. although he can be good at times.(around 30% of the time to be specific) Since when did the grinch snatch presents out of peoples pockets? this is an example infront of u. if anything like this happens, use the following measures to protect urself. (ONLY IN SUCH A SITUATION)
For gals, shout FEI LI AHHHHH can le easy as thatFor guys not as easy, must follow this procedure, bend ur hand 90 degrees backwards, and THRUST IT UP HIS NOSE using ur palm ^_^ then call 995 after that. while hes lying in a pool of nose blood.
Youtube was worse, ok i wanted to upload a video. requirements 320x240 in size, format mpg, avi, mov, or mp4 ok i did the mpg one ok fine 53 mb movie wtf. STILL CANNOT convert mov OSO CANNOT quote:"We specifically recommend the MPEG4" WOW NICE ONE, i convert liao STILL CANNOT WTF OMFG.finally i gave up and uploaded to filefront instead, now trying google video
For gals, shout FEI LI AHHHHH can le easy as thatFor guys not as easy, must follow this procedure, bend ur hand 90 degrees backwards, and THRUST IT UP HIS NOSE using ur palm ^_^ then call 995 after that. while hes lying in a pool of nose blood.
Youtube was worse, ok i wanted to upload a video. requirements 320x240 in size, format mpg, avi, mov, or mp4 ok i did the mpg one ok fine 53 mb movie wtf. STILL CANNOT convert mov OSO CANNOT quote:"We specifically recommend the MPEG4" WOW NICE ONE, i convert liao STILL CANNOT WTF OMFG.finally i gave up and uploaded to filefront instead, now trying google video
We got new victim(s) !
at
5:54 AM
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Hi! I know you people havent heard from me, Uncle BaGua for a long time. Recently, Business has been picking upand i became very busy. Hmmm... Today got quite a few people to talk about today... about 3 also. Hmmm Kiam Chye Got Kiam Chye Song and pledge maybe next time i should write one bagua poem or something like that haha now. Oh ya before i start i hope that everyone that comes to this blog can tag and also vote. haha please show your support for us
Victim 9 identified ... gae(give) C -chan status: criticism level 1
why gae C -chan? Because he always give people C, he everything also rate C... I ask him rate my bagua he also give C -.-, he also like kopi-C and Teh-C. Hope he go hospital also stay C-class wards, that old sissy.Besides giving Cs this sissy chan also got 1 more hobby is to snatch things from other people ( not as in stealing lar)last time great Sissy sale i met him... i saw one knife can buy and cut ba gua (my old knife very blant ler) then the C-chan(name to long ler-.-)come and snatch from me wor -.-. i buy plastic bag and weighing machine he also want to snatch. Walao even I go to cashier pay he also snatchand cut guo lai... IS THIS AN ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR? Today i pack and going home ler saw him again and you know what?!? I go get a Taxi to stop he suddenly chiong here and snatch away. Ahhh going to have heart attack ler.
Victim 10 ... Unlucky Cockcroach Status: Dead
That Gae C -Chan snatch my taxi so no choice must walk and take MRT -.- walk towards MRT station that time hear one KRRRAK sound i thought i step on some bird egg -.- why dont gimme bird nest.... but when i check my slipper , see 1 flatten de cockroach... waaa want to suicide dirty my slipper some more also is i yesterday buy one .... why must let me step cockroach why cannot let me step on diamond or gold??? step ler krrak and crack nvm but WHY cockroach?!?! so angry ahhhhhh !!!~~~~ Want me to step you ar? FINE i continue to step (because i still saw it moving) *step step step* then suddenly 2 police officer come and fine me... point at the do not step on grass fine $200 sign... waaa like that also can... maybe next time i should put 1 sign at CWM... Dont buy Ba Gua Fine $300 like that can earn more. Tomorrow must remember to put!
Vomit blood ar no taxi get fined shoe dirty still must walk to MRT......
Victim 11 Logged... Kanjiong Couple status unknown
No Taxi... Vomit blood , no choice must go take MRT when I go up that time the train come got 1 couple rushing for train that time run up the escalator shoving people aside... i no time to dodge and they pushed me down the escalator... then later got someone call 993 ar... then next what happen ar? Ambulance come for free loh... take me to hospital... Ya hor Kiam chye there!
Can let him pay my hospital bill... money all pay fine ler at least still got Kiam chye....
KIAM CHYE I COMING TO VISIT YOU!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We got new victim(s) !
at
2:36 AM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Hi... why I never say lo? Because no mood. Why? Cause no business. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 ! Six days gone and still no business. Think maybe have to go back to my kampung to sell. In the past one day I can sell all, but today not bad, at least got 3 -.- Wait, I drink finish my milo first then continue talk.
Victim 6. Loading -- Unknown scout
Ok today as usual, went to Unity Secondary to deliver my kiam chye again. Nothing special, same old boring thing. And that Chinese food uncle's mouth still smells as bad as usual. I remember telling him to brush his teeth in the morning, but it was like donkey years ago. So don't find it strange if you see a guy wearing a face mask early in the morning in Unity, thats not a terrorist, thats me =) So I will always try my best to avoid his poisonous gas. Sometimes I wish to just stick one kiam chye into his mouth, but cannot. Stick into his mouth then how I sell? Save it for myself? -.- You all think what, wash wash then can eat ? Recycle? -.- The 3Rs Reuse, Reduce and Recycle? -.-
Ya so after fighting(his gas) for around 20 minutes, when I was about to leave, i saw a boy standing between two long long things. Oh thats the Singapore and school flags. Haha long time never go to school, almost forgot what those two long long things are. He then said "Unitians please stand up for the morning assembly." Shit ! Forgot how to sing the nation anthem ! Think of ways to run, turned left saw Mr Scotland, turned right saw Ms Cha Siew Piang, turned back was that uncle's bad breath. What the hell. Guess who's in front of me? Spooky Ng -.- Yea that look, really freaked me out. @_@ (crying) They forced me to sing, so I asked them whether I can sing the kiam chye song. They asked me what is kiam chye song.
Here it is ! The Kiam Chye Song !
I sell kiam chye, kiam chye kiam chye fresh fresh, everybody please come
come come and see, if you don't want to buy them never mind
if you don't buy, then you watch out
don't always go buy those ba gua
and don't always go buy those prawn
my kiam chye are all nice to eat
although they, are abit salty
but they are, very nice to eat
dont' always go buy those ba gua
and don't always go buy those prawns,
my kiam chye are all nice to eat
although they, are abit salty
but they are, very... nice... to EAT...
*clap clap*
All: IMPRESSIVE ! What about the pledge?
Erm, ya I got the Kiam Chye Pledge too, but before I wanted to say it, that unknown boy (he said he is from scouts) ya so that unknown scout said the national pledge before me. What the hell ! Kids nowadays are really rude. Can't they show some respect? Especially to me. Who I am? Uncle Kiam Chye of course ! You all can go ask around, all people know me.
*Suddenly that Mr Scotland took out a microphone and started walking around looking for peope, but don't why all ran away. -.- Think they thought he going to catch them for their atttire or hair again.*
*Then it was Ms Cha Siew Piang's turn. When she took the microphone and started asking people whether they know me, they instead asked her, "Who are you? The new toilet cleaner of Unity?" -.- Guess her auntie look don't really make her look like a principal.*
*Up next was Chinese food uncle. He don't need to move, as when he was about to do that everybody started to pack their bags and go home, including the teachers. Wow his breath is really damn powerful. Me fainting soon.*
*Finally was the Spookly Ng's turn ! But why am I so happy? Maybe I'm crazy. But one strange thing was she was not holding a microphone. Instead she was holding a huge stack of papers. One dropped onto the floor and I read the title. It says "Criticism Wet Market Maths Paper 1 and 2." No wonder... haha so again, I saw people running like mad to the safest place to avoid her eye contact. Remember this, always avoid eye contact with people. Why? Because if you don't, something magical will happen. Trust me, thats true. =) *
Get back to that scout. This was how he said the pledge.
We the citizens ofsingapore.
Pledgeourselvesasone unitedpeople
regardless of race, language or religion
Tobuildademocraticsociety
Base of justice andequality
Soastoachieve happinessprosperity andprogressforournation
What the hell was that? Machine gun reading style? Was there a need to take such a big breath to read those few words? Even me can do better than him. Watch
I, the seller of kiam chye
Treat my customers, as one untied people
Regardless of salt content, method, or hygiene
To produce the best kiam chye in the world
Price thats low and cheapest among all
So as to achieve happiness, prosperity, and progress for my business.
See ! Better right? heheh
Phew finally over, but just then a man in black walked towards me. Ohh Mr. D.J
Me: Hi D.J, what song you going to play next?
D.J: -.-?!
Me: Oops =x Nothing. hehe
D.J Ok well, can you please do me a favor?
Me: *Thinking inside -- You think you ask me to do a favor I will do is it? Of course not ! Me so busy, think I very free? Unless you pay me*
D.J: So is it possible?
Me: NO ! Ohh I mean YES ! Sure. ( @_@ ) crying
D.J: Help me take this document to Mr Arul. His is now in 4/5.
Me: *Thinking -- 4/5 again? Well ok*
Me: Ok no problem ! (actually got alot of problem)
D.J: Thanks.
Me: -.-
Victim 7. Loading -- Mr Argu ShinChan
Walk walk walk to 4/5, saw some pupils standing up. I wondered whats going on.
Mr Argu: You 4/5 pupils ! Yesterday I asked you all to join the Group 2 for AEP, and yet NONE of you turn up. I'm really very disappointed. What is wrong with you people. You all are now only taking one science subject, if you all don't want to help yourself, there is nothing I can do ! (He then started to ask some of them the reason for not coming)
Chey ! Not their AEP their go for what. Right? Plus he thinks his lessons very interesting? Look at his face I already know his lessons are damn boring. I can understand how those pupils feel. And he said he is disappointed, nobody asks him to feel disappointed what. If he wants to feel that way then go ahead, what for telling everyone his feelings. Plus he said what is wrong with those pupils? I think he is the one who's got something wrong. I heard from one pupils from 4/5 taking Biology that he wants everyone to finish the workbook, the 2 specimen papers, and study for the test next week. He thinks he can muti-task that means everyone can? The questions are so damn difficult. This is what that pupil told me. His name is Pasta Goal Jun Wei. I don't know, maybe he is just lazy to do. =x And guess what I saw, That Argu ShinChan took Pasta's scissors and spin and spin and spin. Impressive? I don't think so. Dangerous? Obviously ! What if it flies out and hit somebody? He is an adult ok, doesn't he knows that it is very dangerous to do such thing? Childish ! Immature ! You blacky ! Lame joker ! You suck ! hehe.
Decided not to give the document to him due to his sucking attitude and teaching style. On my way back to my van, I saw Mr. Oh Bee Hoon.
Victim 8. Loading -- Mr Oh Bee Hoon
He said he wanted to buy some kiam chye for his family. So in total it costs 2 bucks. (my son told me buck is more class than dollars ^^) As I was in a rush, I never counted the money and I just driven off. Guess what, he only gave me $1.99 -.- You scammer ! THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU HAIRLESS GUY !
*Last time when I sold other things instead of kiam chye
1. Burger
Price: $1.50
Paid: $1.49
2. Nasi Lemak
Price: $1.30
Paid: $1.29
3. Curry Puff
Price: $0.40
Paid: $0.39
4. Wanton Noodle
Price: $1.40
Paid: $1.39
5. Fish and Chip
Price: $2.20
Paid: $2.19
6. Fried Been Hoon
Price: $0.70
Paid: $0.69
7. Economic Rice
Price: $1.60
Paid: $1.59
8. Drinks
Price: $0.50
Paid: $0.49
Latest !!
9. Kiam Chye
Price: $2.00
Paid $1.99
Ahhhhh !! the long list of debt !! When is he going to pay ?!?!?!!! Arghh need to record in my account book again. Waste my ink ! That idiot scammer ! Why always 1 cent short ?!?!?!!! He stingy HAIRLESS guy ! 1 cent also wants to save ! 1 cent also don't want to give me ! WHAT THE HELLLL !!! Somemore he always fail my son's Social Studies tests by 1 mark ! That IDIOT ! My son and I will choke and flood him to death with 1 cent coins !!! THAT SON OF A MONK !!!
{fainted} --- Hospitalise ---
~~~ ee yoor... ee yoor... ee yoor ~~~
We got new victim(s) !
at
9:32 AM
Monday, August 14, 2006
Hello! I am the Ba Gua Seller Of CWM! ya! the corner stall at the market go in turn left, walk straight, turn right, continue walking, and zai turn left jiu reach ler... Easy to go right?? Ji de lai guang gu hor!! Also Remember hor I sell BA Gua NOT AH gua hor... Sell Ah Gua Err xin you mei ren yao mai surely bankrupt...
You Come here ask for Ah Gua, i get my blunt Ba Gua Knife and stick it up your *Toot* (yao you ya... calm down.... yao bao chi xing xiang)
Today got quite a number of people to Criticise so load the B.A. G.U.A.S. V.1
Loading......
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Begin
Assessment
of
Generally
of
Generally
Unacceptable
Abnormal
Situations
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haha pretty high tech for a Ba Gua Seller right???
Victim 1 Dectected .. Mrs Jelly Chua .. Status: Critcism Level 2
Today, I went to unity to deliver Ba Gua (so long finally you sheng yi ler haha) The Jelly Chua want me deliver Ba Gua at 2:45pm. Got Business so deliver lor
Then i go the class 4/5 (Kiam Chai told me that it was the class that Jelly Chua teach so i go see see) then i see there everyone waiting for that Jelly Chua worr... waaa this kind of person.... sui ran abit gan ji she buy my Ba Gua but also cannot make the whole class wait for her right??? Also, I heard from Kiam Chai that she very fierce people late surely scold de, then she late leh??? -.- never practice what she preach de.... but after i go sell some Ba Gua to the Canteen de Uncle Aunty (not new year also can eat Ba Gua right??) at least can pay electricity mar if not shop dark dark no one want to go in ( 7 month somemore ar). After that i go check on 4/5... At least that Jelly end on time and i go back not because to check but also to Tao Qian (last time must be fail maths de ask her give me $60 gimme $50 jiu pao diao ler-.- hai hao notice in time)
Victim 4 Identified and Logged ... Gerbil Poh Status: Criticism level 1
This Gerbil Poh hor when i finding the Jelly Chua I walking past 4/5 I saw him Kicking a Bottle( he dunno how to take his balls out and kick -.- kick the waterbottle)
waa he kicking Horrible Terrible but no vegetable.... Want Vegetable ar? Go buy from Uncle Kiam Chai... Kick until almost hit people ar..... Kick also any how kick.... I walk past the bottle hit the window i still chua Tio and drop the ba gua (of course quickly pick up and wrap nicely lar ) and continue find that Jelly Chua.... After Selling her, I found out she maths fail gimme less money ( SCAMMER!!!!) so i chiong to 4/5 zhao ta... but having lesson so dont disturb... zai wai mian den.... The Jelly Chua ask the Gerbil Poh Go out write answer but he go out ler stand there dont know what to write... WAAA dunno what to write still stand there like statue dont know how to ask... Think so long write ler also wrong... Waste of time... Jian zhi shi FEI WU!!!!
Kick ye bu yao study ye bu hao... yi hou want to be my assistant... DEN JIU JIU ar....
ok lar not need be so ji dong -.-... at least got back my $10.
Victim 5 Logged... Sissy motorcyclist Status: unknown
I pack up my Ba Gua stall and want to go back that time, want to cross the road to reach home... Dunno which stupid Designer design the traffic light soo far away must walk all the way there cross and walk back... waste my time -.- so i just see no car i cross lor. Then suddenly hor when i want to cross got 1 sissy motorcyclist hor turn here and move soooo slowly somemore... UNCLE WO ZHOU LU HAI BI NI JIA DE KUAI!!!!!! but so close ler still must let him go first. Then he stop infront of me... WALAO!!! dunno do what take something then drive sllllooooowwwwly away.... after that hor alot of car come and i must wait another 10 mins ar..... Tuuuuuuu~~~ xie ar thats the reason why all Ba Gua Red haha (shhh its secret dont tell out)
No wonder china so many Jiang Shi ar all go buy Ba Gua Eat.
ahhh~~~ zhong yu Reach home ler i go get a can of coke on TV watch ler
remember tomorrow come buy my Ba Gua hor. Now still buy 200g get 100g free hor
We got new victim(s) !
at
5:56 AM
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Why no people come my stall to buy kiam chye !!! Today is already the 2nd day, why still no people come buy my kiam chye !!! All went to buy prawns from Uncle Salad. What the hell. Anyway Uncle Ba Gua also same as me. No business at all. We are going crazy soon !!! But for me is not totally no business. I got one customer today, but was not a humun.
*crowd: -.- ! now is the 7th month, don't tell me is... ahhhhh*
NO LA ! Worst than that !
*crowd: -.- ! wOrSt ThAn ThAt ?!?! ahhhhh*
WAIT ! Allow me to finish my sentence, but you all must remain calm.
*crowd: pray.. pray.. pray..*
It was a MOSQUITO !
*crowd: !*
Then don't know why suddenly all rushed to the knife shop. I'm so happy for the shop owner. I still called him to congratulate him, but he said he was busy, so we didn't talk much. After that the uncles and aunties all walked towards my direction. That time I was so happy, thought finally can get to sell some of my kiam chye.
BUT ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*my clothes torn, glasses cracked, vomit blood, underwear flew out.*
Guess you all should know what happened
Somemore my underwear so smelly (very long never wash cause no time) then it landed on a businessman's head and he said he wants to sue me. Fine then. Think I need to earn more money by selling more kiam chye.
So back to the mosquito issue. Wait, I think I better take back my underwear first.
*wearing.. got lots of holes and my leg went into the wrong hole -.-*
Ok, this morning when I was setting up the stall, I kept hearing the "eee" sound. I knew that was a mosquito. So without thinking, I took some kiam chye and started throwing them at the mosquito. But all miss. -.- Somemore got two policemen walked pass and my kiam chye landed on their head. -.- They said they wanted to bring to back to CCK Police Post, but I told them I got business to do, so they said they will come tomorrow to bring me back. You think I so stupid to wait for them is it ! My god, think I have to go pack my stuffs now, and take my passport. Erm, should I go Hong Kong, US, England, China Aiya ! No time to think. Better ask my son to book a ticket for me now.
*Boy ahh, book a air ticket for me now Now NOW !*
*boy: ok ! need whiskey?*
This question like very familiar. Never mind.
*son: hello ? Is this Kiam Chye Airline? Ya I want to book a ticket... ya ya lousy plane also never mind. He die I can take all his money. None of my Business also. yaya ok bye !*
!!! What the hell. Not only mosquito bully me, now my son also bully me. I've got no money. If he wants I can give all those kiam chye to him.
YA ! THAT MOSQUITO ! WHY BIT MY THUMB !
Victim 3. Loading -- Unknown Mosquito
That idiot mosquito. Told me she wanted to buy kiam chye for her kids. In the end bit my thumb. So painful you know. Now swollen. Think have to paste handsaplast, those salted water resistant kind. So many parts she can suck. My face, my ears, my nose, my arm, my chest, my forehead, my stomach, my legs but why my THUMB ! She not afraid that I will crash her to death? Maybe she knew I very kind-hearted, won't do this kind of thing. So... AHH ! Pain ~~
I should now go pack my stuffs. So damn sad. Both my son and that unknown mosquito gang up and bully me. waaa ~~ Live until this age still get bully, really useless.
*Erm.. flipping my passport.. WHAT ! EXPIRED ?!*
-.- sob sob...
*crowd: look on the brigher side, cause tomorrow at the police station the table lamp confirm very bright one.*
We got new victim(s) !
at
6:33 AM
Friday, August 11, 2006
*clap cap*
Hi everyone, welcome to the official opening of the Criticism Wet Market !
*clap clap*
I'm the kiam chye store vendor and you all can call me Uncle Kiam Chye !
*crowd: yooohooo*
*me: -.-*
Ok, well this market is rather special. Why do I say so? Because not only we sell fresh vegetables, we love to criticise people too !
*crowd: booo...*
*me: -_- !*
Yea. We see, we experience. We unhappy, we criticise !
*the crowd starts throwing eggs, also don't know where they hell they got the eggs.*
Ok, as I was saying, our main thing is to criticise, but we talk crap too. We including all the people that live here are all uncles and aunties. All never receive much education, then what you all expect us to talk other than gossip and crap? Haha and before the lion dance performance, I want to criticise someone first. Yea the first victim !
Victim 1. Loading --- Mrs Jelly Chua
This morning as usual, I went to Unity Secondary as the chinese food vendors have been ordering kiam chye from me for the past 3 years plus. Walk halfway I felt like my bladder going to burst, cause maybe I drank too much water, so went up to the second floor to find wash room. (my son taught me this. he said toilet is for low-class people. high-class people should say wash room) I happened to walk pass a class, which I think is 4/5 and just then I heard a lion ROARED ! What the hell, my urine all squeezed out due to the fright. So very embarrassing, immediately ran to the wash room like an ostrish. -.- Luckily nobody notice. After than I sneeked into 4/5 and when that teacher left (is a female.), I took out my wet market micophone (it was wet because I never wipe my hands after washing my hands. -.-) and interviewed a guy named Fang Bright. Although I don't quite understand his english, think he is from China, I roughtly can tell. He said that female teacher whose name is Mrs Jelly Chua, shouted at a guy called Daryl just because he went outside the class to discuss about re-taking his Chinese O levels paper ! What the hell? She embarrassed him in front of the whole class due to such a minor matter? What kind of teacher is she. Fang Bright also said that she scolded him beacuse she wanted to talk about the English O Level stuffs, which will take place later on, but was there a need to shout? See now my shorts smells bad with my urine. Erm I found out quite a bit about this lady from the chinese food vendors. They said this teacher has very hot-temper and do things very impatiently. She would shout at anyone any time, any place, even it is a minor matter. She doesn't give a damn about others' feelings. She only cares about herself. She just wants to teach finish what she is suppose to teach and thats it, get her salary and ruin the students future with her suck to the core teaching styles. This includes 4/5 maths teacher Mdm Ng as well.
Victim 2. Loading... Spooky Ng
Her teaching styles simply sucks. She don't know how teach. Keep on giving the pupils other schools' test papers means the way to success? No ! Even me never receive much education knows that. She thinks her jokes are funny. She treats her pupils like kids by giving them sweets. HELLOO ! They are Secondary 4 now ! 16 years old and you are still treating them with sweets? Is she teaching kindergarden or something? What a childish person. And pupils of 4/5 told me that she got long straight black hair which look exactly like a ghost. She wants those that are poor in maths to go for night class from 7 to 9. Does she knows that now is the 7th month? She wants to scare people to death? Even during the day sometimes I take my kiam chye to the cafeteria, I saw her and I don't even look straight into her eyes. That spooky look gives me nightmare. Or should I just call her spookly Ng?
*crowd: zZZzzZZZ... yawn ~~~*
*me: -.-*
Okok WAKE UP ! The market is open now and everything will be Free-of-Charge !
*crowd: yeh ! ~~ rush.. rush.. rush.. WHAT ! The whole market only sells kiam chye today?!?!*
CHEY !
hee.. hee..
We got new victim(s) !
at
5:55 AM
Market Vendors
we see. we experience.
we unhappy. we criticise.
Uncle Kiam Chye
Has been selling kiam chye for 16 years.
Uncle Ba Gua
Has been selling ba gua for 16 years too.
Uncle Salad Sia
Has been selling sia(prawn) for 16 years also.
Poll of the Week
Uncles and aunties
Auntie Sie
Auntie Cai
Uncle Kwek
Uncle Hui
Auntie Kueh
Uncle Lim Peh
Uncle Fi
Auntie Seok
Auntie Ying
Auntie Stepf
Auntie Wei
Auntie Ting
Auntie Yan
Kopitiam Chit-Chat
credits
aprileap-
we see. we experience.
we unhappy. we criticise.
Uncle Kiam Chye
Has been selling kiam chye for 16 years.
Uncle Ba Gua
Has been selling ba gua for 16 years too.
Uncle Salad Sia
Has been selling sia(prawn) for 16 years also.
Poll of the Week
Uncles and aunties
Auntie Sie
Auntie Cai
Uncle Kwek
Uncle Hui
Auntie Kueh
Uncle Lim Peh
Uncle Fi
Auntie Seok
Auntie Ying
Auntie Stepf
Auntie Wei
Auntie Ting
Auntie Yan
Kopitiam Chit-Chat
credits
aprileap-